poetry by linda z

I

How silent the earth is
how hot the sun
cool the moon

how quiet you are
rocking back and forth
to the beat of another
an invisible force

I see it through your closed eyes
I smell it in your weak breath

is this what it means to be
old,
so
so
old?


II

you said, yes
I heard you say
yes, and again
I heard,
yes
and give me more
and i said
maybe
if
and you said
then maybe not yes
maybe no
and I said
no ifs
no maybes
just
yes, yes
and then
only then
maybe
no

III
Divorce

when you came home
I thought good
you are home

you sat down in your chair
the cushioned high back
winged chair
while i wiped dry another dish
another tear from my reddened sore eyes

I heard,
you heard our baby
crying in his crib and I thought
no,
not again

I stood by the kitchen sink
the shape knife posed
the carrots,
always so difficult to slice
lying on the wooden board
straight, orange chubby sticks

and the cries got louder
and louder
he wasn't playing this time
nor calling out because
because

I slammed the knife down on the carrot
I did it again and again
while
you sat in the chair
your back to me, to him

that's when I knew
it was over

IV
Kitty Cat Candy

that morning when I
awoke to the sound,
to the feel of your purr,
your claws kneading into
my scalp

I pushed you off of me

your head resisted,
your forehead nuzzled deep into my neck
onto my cheek
your cold nose wet, always wet
pushed onward
your mouth opened
a split second, and
your sharp teeth
gnawed onto the flesh of my nose

instant pain!

remind me

why I paid
$75 dollars
for a cat I could have found for free
on the street

the ones who know how
and eat and sleep
and act like a cat,
aloof


V

Left

she died
she wanted to die
she said, it was the quality of life
there was nothing more

nothing left
except

thoughts

images of her
of me
of her and me
and
what would she do if
or why did she do that
and that
and not that

58 years
and 15 more of memories,
of things,
evaporating



VI

never!
that's what I said
what I meant
when I ran down the street
away

never
i uttered into the
air, the sky
the world
around
and around

never
not now
not later
not ever
just
never
ever
forever

but why?